Mothers

I am one and I had one too. Two completely different yet very much the same thing. Lineage is lineage and the hook up never goes away. So in looking forward I needed to look back. My grandmothers were strong and wise and both victims of their time. My one grandmother got pregnant before marriage and it troubled her her whole life, the shame of it. My other grandmother, secretly Indian felt shame and fear, both at the same time, in an era that threatened her in every way. Her marriage illegal, her children in risk of being taken and a heritage that was best forgotten. Certainly my own mother would learn from them and do better. She learned and became more afraid and more ashamed. It took a toll. As I grew into my feminine energy I was able to review all of that, and HONOR IT and honor them. It did not get my respect though. I loved them all, and yet respect is earned and none of three earned it from me. They did the best they could and that I love and honor. In my own parenting, I had to decide who I was and how I was going to proceed. I said only two things that I felt mattered. One, was that no matter what my kids did, there would be nothing ever that would stop my love for them. Period. The other, was if it is not fun, stop and go do something else. Be present all of the time. Be proud of who you are in the present all of the time. So in honor of all mothers, who are doing the best they can, namaste' it is the hardest job I have truly loved the most! The bonus is that I did end up respecting myself and the lineage continues with one less thing to remedy. You go girls, do better than me, our future depends on it. I love you.