Survivor or victim - which is it????

As I child I was a survivor. Although the time spent as a little kid was rough and lonely and sometimes brutal, I had a horse and lots of friends and music. Those were my main focus and they gave me the strength and joy that promoted my survival. I never gave in to the depression that was felt by my siblings. I fought back all the way. I remember my sister begging me to simply be quiet and stop antagonizing them. I could not. As time went on I had to make choices over and over again to survive. My friends were not able to, they died. In clearing the past from my future the survivorship features need to be my focus now. The behaviors done in fear of loss or less have to disappear now. I have felt guily over time in the loss for others, they would flourish with my love and light, but as I would withdraw and move on after a job well done, they would get angry and resist and threaten me. That hurt. Now looking back on that I realize that to choose daily - survivor or victim was the lesson in loving others and myself that I needed to learn. Do not be a victim, love yourself first, your choices are the most important for YOU. You are not here to babysit others or convince them that you are worthy of their time or affection. Let's just truly set an example of loving ourself and our life now here, without the fear of loss or less. It is time. Those who are truly here to love you will, all the others will move on. Both choices are valid and I will honor them without regret or fear of loss. In the end it will all be as it should and that gives me hope!!