Chapter three

Glasses and glasses. Both kind became a big part of my experience here.

I lost clarity of vision very young, preferring to see blurs of colors in motion. It didn't bother me in the least, it gave me a chance to simply listen. It also showed me very early how energy flowed and which shades meant what. My mother could go completely black and then often times she would simply disappear for a day or two. It was better that way because if she stayed when blackness came it meant pain on every level, especially for me. Hitting and cursing and creating punishments for childhood behaviors was her outlet for that blackness and it hurt us all. I never was able to become her friend in this lifetime. She destroyed that capability with her own choices and expressions. When I was 8 I got glasses and a whole world of contrast and boundaries and definition became the order of each day. It was the first time I ever saw an airplane in the sky. It was a whole new way of living. Not necessarily a better way since I was very adept at the other way and knew no different.

I still saw energy but it was sharper and harsher then the other way. I could see people die and in the blurry world it was peaceful and graceful in the 3-d vision of it it seemed dramatic and painful. I watched my father die when I was 2, he had had an injury and then an adjustment broke his neck and he escaped this world. On his way off which took a few days I saw him slipping away and went crazy. Years later my mother said shIe had to hit me to get me to stop screaming, that was always her solution and it never worked, still to this day I remember that first blow. My gift was evident and it terrified me and her and she would beat it out of me come hell or high water. That became our challenge.

I also always saw the glass as half full. I just knew that no matter what everything would be ok and why couldn't we just get on with it rather then hang in the dark and pain of the moment. I would spend my life seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, I am still that way and so my story is built around that philosphy - hopelessly hopeful is what I have been called.