Chapter eight

The greatest change I ever felt was the birth of my girls. My life up to then had been rather random, not really having any security or any feeling of being needed or fitting in. They changed all of that for me. My purpose from the moment I knew I was pregnant was to be the best mom ever and that has never gone away. I say it is the hardest job I love the most. Their presence in my life brought a sense of strength to me that would grow each day. I would learn and teach at the same time, their growth was my growth and we grew well together. I had only one rule, if was not fun we did not do it. Other than that, the sky was the limit and if you could think it up, we could get it done. Some way, somehow.

My family came first, in every way. I spent countless magical hours with those children wanting to know more and more. They were so different from each other and yet sisters in every way. How could that be??? Where had they come from and what did they know? We explored that all along the way, learning about their past connections to this world and each other opened doors to exploring other past connections for me.

My spiritual world opened to me at this point. What I had been taught didn't make sense with what I was experiencing. Traditional religion had no place in my life, it's restraints and negativity were oppressive to me. The words spoken were useless and commonly hurtful in church, and I would see the colors streaming off the speaker as incongruent and disharmonic. I could not understand how others could not see the same thing. How could they not know they were being manipulated. Like cattle being prodded into a small space, they milled about banging into one another and bawling the whole time. It made no sense to me on any level, it offered no joy or happiness, everything was measured and it never seemed adequate. Limitations were put on everything and for a world in need of hope and faith and love, it did not fill the bill. Those who participated were like actors in a play, the biggest fakers around. Sitting in the front all dressed up and proud for an hour each week and then out the door and back to the lying, cheating and stealing of daily business. This was not for me or my girls, so we walked away and found our own spirituality, this would change everything, at least for us.