Memories - use them

As a child I was terrified by the disapperance of my mother. It was done alot. My father died when I was 2 and that left a mark that eventually healed, but the fear that my mom could generate with her disappearing act still impacts me to this day. Much more painful than her beatings. At least she was present for them. When my girls got older I asked only one thing, please let me know that you are safe. They always did, I can remember only one time that it didn't happen and it was the worst night ever, that not knowing is brutal. I married it once, the great disappearing act that was designed to punish me again as an adult, I knew then I had not learned my lesson. It was MY lesson, not theirs. I was the one who attracted it, I must be able to do it too disappear without caring about anyone else. Use your memories and those deep rooted feelings to move you into the future free and clear now. I had forgotten that pain till now, then it came around one last time. I forgive myself for fear, for not simply feeling loved and safe now, no matter what anyone else does. That is how we heal this world, first by healing ourselves. So... Mother! I forgive you for those nights of terror and days of fear, I will forgive myself now too for thinking somehow I was to blame. You are free and clear and SO AM I! thanks, chalk up another victory for the human race! Lesson learned. And so it is.